I stepped off the beaten path, and bam! I sank right into the cold, wet, immovable grip of the snow.
Happily, Chris was right there, first to take the photo, then to mock me, and then to pull me out of the snow.
I am stuck again. Not in snow or mud, or feathers. I am stuck in my own head.
I am a lucky person. I have beautiful healthy children. I am surrounded by unconditional love, for which I am astonished and grateful. I have wonderful friends, near and far.
Even with all of that to be happy about, I get stuck on the bad things. I like to pretend that I am an uncaring, insensitive creature. If I make fun of something, it diminishes its importance. If it is unimportant, it cannot hurt me. If I dismiss something that matters, then when someone else blows it off, it is alright, it can't hurt feelings that are not there. If I am casual about it, when someone important does not notice, then it can't possibly matter. I won't let it matter. If I step off the beaten path, I get sunk, shoulders deep in cold, wet thoughts of despair and loneliness. If I stick my neck out to care about something, I will get stuck.
When I feel this way, I want to retreat into my cave. Stay away from people, so I do not rain on their parade. So I can't get hurt any further, lick my wounds.
I received an email from a friend who is far away. A person who carries a heavy load himself. He always remembers to send me love and light and peace. His note just said he missed me. I reflected a bit on the nature of our friendship. We share laughter and music, and the love of one very special person. We send notes back and forth with jokes, and wishes for each others well being. He is a comfort to me. He always appreciates everything, from the sun on his face, to a silly snap shot. He reminds me that we are a part of each others life in ways we may not be aware of.
I do not know what role I play in the lives of my friendlies. But I know they are my inspiration, and favorite song when I need it most.My friendlies are my home and my dreamy soft light.
That one email, from miles away was the hand I needed. That little call to action, to be there, be funny for other people that are in dark places. I am needed, in a small way. Just as I need all my friendlies out there in the wide world.
Thanks Mike. I miss you and I am sending you all the peace I have in my restless soul, I wish it was more.
Thank you for being my light in a dark place, and the hand to pull me out of my own cold, wet head.
peace and love
from your deb